Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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