i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
