I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
