We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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