So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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