My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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