guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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