Your dad touched me again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
