apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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