I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
