the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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