we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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