Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
