im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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