Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
