I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
