I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
After tacos, we're chasing women.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
