If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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