Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
