Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
