Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
