Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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