woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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