I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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