we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
