chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
