Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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