Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
nutella sex= disaster
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
