I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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