operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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