I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
