ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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