When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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