one might say we're banned from that church
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
