why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
