Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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