I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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