Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
