you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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