btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
