I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We need to rekindle our bromance
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
