ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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