people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
