I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
