you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
