I think I died a long time ago.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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