I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
