absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
