Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
PANTIES FOUND
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
