the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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