what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
