Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
