I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
