Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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