i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
