I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
