Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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