literally had 100 drinks last night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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