She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
