I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
