I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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