just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
