new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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