dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
