That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
