the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
