Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
