Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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