The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize