Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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