i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
