We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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