If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
