she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
