i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
