we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
