Porn is love you can see.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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