I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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